Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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