how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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