He felt like a one man threesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
