Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
