dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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