Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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