Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
