i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
