I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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