i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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