No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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