he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize