So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
