ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
