It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
