I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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