i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
