you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I want is dick and wine.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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