i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
