He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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