its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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