I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
