new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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