What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize