so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
