Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
