I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
