No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize