Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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