I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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