Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You need Xanax blowdarts
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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