woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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