Betty ford says i'm here all night
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
