It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize