the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
