Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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