Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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