There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
