she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
