just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
