can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
