I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
