Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
