goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
