No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
