who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
