I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
