I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
