So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
third nipple confirmed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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