how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have aggressive nipples.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
