he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
