Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
