you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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