dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
