He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
