I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
