It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
