I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
