remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When did angry sex become our thing?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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