Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
