I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
