I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
