i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im having a threesome with these popsicles
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
