atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
