All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
