idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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