There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize