thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
