i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
