Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
