I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
