we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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