Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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