last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
