Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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